Moving On 8

I had done a lot in my first year in the acting world, 3 plays and the end of my job with Prudential. The plays plus acting classes took most of my time and my sales production  dropped way off. The district manager called me into his office to find out why and give me a pep talk. Why was I not making appointments at night when people were home, he asked. I reassured him I would do better and went to my desk and pulled out all my leads that I had not called yet. I sat at my desk starring at the leads with the phone to my ear, ready to make my first call. I couldn't do it.This was the worst part of a sales job, prospecting for new clients. If I could get an appointment, my closing ratio was very high. But the cold calling was like begging and I hated it. I don't want to do this anymore, I thought and quit that day. A week later, walking out on the street after collecting my last paycheck, I felt free of the pressure to produce, to make a lot of money.I also felt scared, I had burned my last bridge to a normal life. With no college education and no skills, I had just put my life on the line for acting.

Got a call from that theater on 14th Street. They had been rehearsing Tennessee Williams "A Glass Menagerie". Some guy dropped out and the director and producer Tanden Didn't like to have auditions, so he knew I would show up and work hard so he asked me to do Tom Wingfield, a major character in the play. I will have to admit that my acting technique was not evolved fully enough to bring this character to life. First of all Tom has these beautiful poetic monologues to the audience. The director asked to me to have it memorized as best I can before my first rehearsal which was just in a few days. This was a mistake. For a play like" A Glass Menagerie" , you have to study the play and know what your talking about before memorization otherwise you will miss subtleties and transitions. While I had a sense of the poetry and doing it with a southern accent,   being around those "good ole boys" in the navy, the director said it sounded like I was reciting lines

And it was, pure instinct which had carried me this far, was not enough. I think I did pretty good in the scenes with the other characters. Not many people showed up and that was a good thing. I would have been severely criticised for my in and out accent and lack of understanding for the character. By the end of the run I was getting a handle on the monologues. Stuff that I heard at HB now made more sense. I took the monologues one line at a time with a thought process and I do believe by the last performance, I almost made them work.

Hooked 7

     I finished the run of Feiffer's People and had overcome my first and last experience with stage fright. By my last performance I was having fun on stage and started to take some chances which led to spontaneity.

Now that I had a taste of acting before a neutral audience and a legitimate credit on my resume, I wanted more.Every Thursday I would pick up a copy of Backstage and go on every open audition that I was anywhere in the ballpark, type wise.After a couple of weeks at this I got into a original play "Up up and away" which was a spoof on Superman and I played Jimmy Olson. The theater was in a basement on 14 street between 8th and 9th avenue. Believe it or not, it was a serious play and it went well enough for me that the producer Tanden invited me back to do another original play "The Two sided Triangle" which was as bad as the title but it was a learning experience in that it is a good idea to read a play before agreeing to do it.

I switched my acting classes, at Theresa's suggestion, from The New York Academy of Theatrical Arts to HB Studios. It was a more reputable acting school with professional actors teaching. This was a real commitment on my part because, for some reason, the VA wouldn't reimburse my tuition at HB, so it came out of my own pocket.

At HB, I was introduced to the "Method". Here they talked about playing an action, inner objects, who am I,what do I want and where am I. A lot of it didn't make sense at the time but I did as many scenes as I could handle. One particular scene from Edward Albee's "Everything in the Garden" comes to mind. In the scene my character finds money hidden all over his home and discovers his wife is prostituting on the side for extra money to go shopping. I saw this play as a great tragedy.When my scene partner and I were doing the scene in front of the class for the first time, they were laughing hysterically and it was really throwing me. What are they laughing at? I just found out my wife is a hooker. It made me go in a rage during the scene which is wrong for the character and the laughter stopped as when I let loose with rage it can be scary. Albee writes dramatic scenes with strong underlying black humor which I didn't realize at the time. It further reinforced in me that humor comes out of honesty. I didn't see it as funny because, from my background, if you find out your wife is a hooker is no laughing matter.

After jumping around with different instructors at HB, I did find one, Alice, that seemed to understand me.She was a Brooklyn girl, born and bred and her insight recognized a emerging talent in me.

Acting classes can be valuable when starting out but cannot replace performing in front of a paying audience. You can learn the basics in class but there were students that only took classes which can be deceiving in that you may think you are better than you really are.Even though it is stressed in most acting class as a  nurturing environment, I found most to be very competitive and political.If you were popular, the students would respond positively, no matter how bad the scene. I learned early on, not to trust acting students responses to you, good or bad. The ones I trust were the paying theater goer. If they laugh or cry, or worst of all, are bored, I can learn from that response. Off off Broadway theater, back in the day, only charged 3$, so the audience were mainly locals in the area and if they didn't like the performance, they would just get up and walk out in the middle of a scene and make noise as they are leaving.

The main negative comment I received was that I had too thick New York accent. Some had called it lazy speech. As I couldn't afford a speech teacher, I started reading the NY Times out loud and making sure I pronounced every syllable clearly.While a trace of a NY accent stayed with me my whole career, my diction was greatly improved. It is my belief when you grow up on the streets of New York, the accent is ingrained in your genes. Later in my career I got many jobs doing other accents, Italian, Spanish, southern and English, believe it or not. It was the plain general American that I found to be the hardest. Why I don't know.

Rehearsal and performance 6

     The first rehearsal was at the directors apartment on the Upper Westside. The replacements were going to get just 4 rehearsals than go on this coming weekend. The whole cast was there, us replacements and the cast members that were still with the show. When I arrived the regular cast members seemed to be huddled in a corner checking us replacements out and talking under their breath. I was tempted to say" you got a problem" but Theresa, from the first audition was there and greeted me warmly and I felt better.

The rehearsal went well,I thought,the director was just running through our scenes and the only time he gave any direction was to tell us where to enter from and where to go, they call that blocking. We rehearsed that way for the next couple of days and the regular cast members warmed up to us replacements, they had no choice I guess, like us or not , we were going to be on stage together.

The final rehearsal was at the theater and I was ready. I had gone over my scenes at every spare moment and had the lines down cold. I waited backstage for my turn to enter. When that time came I walked out and the first thing I noticed were the seats, about 80, starring at me.My knees became weak and my mouth dry as the reality hit me that I was going to perform on stage to an audience that paid money to see the show. Who do I think I am? I don't belong here and the impulse hit me to leave, take the subway back to Queens and forget about all this. The director broke me out of my trance by telling me to pick up the pace on my entrance. I was able to focus and the rest of the rehearsal was uneventful.

The day came, a Friday, and I was going on that night. I spent the day going over my lines so much that I knew them as well as my social security number. I had friends coming that night and my biggest fear was to forget my lines and look like a complete fool in front of everybody.

Waiting backstage a few minutes before the curtain time, the irony hit me of doing a play before I had ever seen one. There was a great piano player performing the intro to the show and at the moment I felt proud.There were several friends of mine in the audience including Doris and an old friend I knew for most of my life, Bo. If anyone should have been an actor it was him. Tall, good looking and athletic, the ladies loved this guy. He would go into a bar and pull some girls pony tail from behind and she would turn around angry , ready to tear into who ever did that. As soon as she would see Bo, she would smile and melt.

When it was my time to enter for the first time, I felt the adrenalin surging through my veins and I went out there on fire. The audience seemed to enjoy the scene and would laugh at the right time. But they were polite laughs, not the spontaneous gut laughs that a great comedienne gets.

The important lesson I learned from this experience was not to push for laughs from the audience.I had some funny lines and I would punch them out, subconscious pleading for laughs . They did laugh but they were polite. I would rather have no response than laughs from an audience that had mercy on me.

In looking back, the best I did was the first audition when I wasn't trying to be funny but truthful to the character.The honesty and simplicity was what made it funny in the first place.But for the first time in front of an audience I did ok. When the whole cast sang together I just mouthed the words under my breath.

The callback 5

     I went to the callback and recognized some of the actors from the audition including Theresa. She knodded her head hello to me so I walked over to where Theresa and some others were talking. They all sounded so optimistic, talking about their auditions for commercials and how some agent said he would work for them. I stood there silently so they wouldn't know how green I was.

The acting class I was taking consisted mainly of people working 9 to 5 jobs and who had not taken the plunge, like myself. But here I was in the company of actors pursuing acting full time and some actually making money at it occasionally. I felt accepted because after all, I was at a callback.

When it was my turn to audition, I walked into a room with 6 people sitting behind a large desk. I felt their eyes burning a whole through me. I made what I thought were the same acting choices I made for the first audition but this time nobody fell out of their chairs. When I came to a line that I thought would get a big laugh, all I heard were a few snickers.

As I was walking out of the room , somewhat dejected that I didn't get the response I expected, One of the people that was in the room came out and asked me if I could sing. I lied and said yes. I have always had a mental block about singing in public ever since I was rejected for the choir when I was 7.He asked me to sing something for him and I said I couldn't remember any songs so he suggested Happy Birthday, What was I to do? I couldn't say I didn't remember that song so I belted out a few lines of Happy Birthday and the producer said thank you very much and walked away.

That evening I got a call that I was cast and given a rehearsal schedule. Maybe they couldn't get anyone else, after all the show had already been reviewed and was going to close in 2 weeks. BUT I GOT THE PART.

My first audition 4

  The day came around for my first audition in show business, I was already 28 years old. At that age a lot of actors are living large and already have a career , but so what, they don"t know what I know. I was going to audition for a revival of "Feiffer's People", a comedy by a well known cartoonist , Jules Feiffer.The show had already been running awhile and this audition was for replacements.The  Backstage casting notice for the play  listed several characters that I thought I may be right for, so I went.

I got there early and there were already about 10 people waiting in the lobby of the theater, which was above a bar on Lexington Avenue. They were all sitting and studying a few pages in their hand.I looked around and I must have looked bewildered because this young actress Theresa, who by the way was  already an experience actress at 18 years old.,asked me if I had signed in yet. I said no, where do you do that, she pointed to a desk and told me to pick up the sides, the what I asked, and she took me by the hand and helped me through the routine.

I looked over the material and it seemed pretty simple and straightforward, a guy trying to pick up a girl in a bar. After about an hour, I was called into audition for the director. I had played a lot of baseball in my time and the feeling of nervousness and focus , getting up to bat was similar to going in to audition.

I went into the room and there were just 2 people, the director, a young guy and a women who read the scene with me. When I read, the director laughed so hard he almost fell out of his chair. This was not a polite laugh or forced, this was something that came deep from his gut, by someone who was totally surprised by what he saw. When I walked out of the room, I felt like I was high, Theresa, who had already auditioned was gone. Because it was in the middle of the day, I took the subway there but I was so full of energy I walked  over the 59th Street bridge all the way home.

When I finally got home and checked for messages, there was a message from the stage manager giving me an appointment for a callback. When I told some of my classmates at the school that I went on an audition and have a call back, their reaction was mixed and I did detect some jealousy.

When I mentioned it to Doris, I thought I saw pain in her big, beautiful brown eyes. I wanted to comfort her. I felt if I asked her to marry me right then, in her moment of weakness she would have said yes . But then I thought, as I was holding her in my arms and telling her not to worry, she would want me to give up this crazy idea about acting because she wouldn't go down that road with me. So, I gave up an opportunity to be happy with this beautiful woman and have a family, instead I chose to chase a dream.

My first acting class. 3

    My first class came around and I was not sure I would go. I was thinking, I had my own 1 bedroom apartment in Astoria, Queens, I was driving a new Oldsmobile 442  and I was making pretty good money. Screw it I'll  drop the whole idea, who needs the headache. The few friends I told about ,going to acting school, laughed " Gong to acting school learning to be poor" or "Yeah right, another one of your crazy whims". I complained to Doris about the pain in the ass traveling downtown in the evening in Manhattan where the school was. She thought the idea of me gong to acting school was great and she bragged to her friends, my boy friend,the actor , she said "go for the hell of it". She later regretted encouraging me to go when she found out the school was noted for teaching acting basics to models. So I thought, the money was already paid, it turns Doris on, what the heck, I'll check it out.

I went a little early and just sat in my car there watching the entrance.I waited there until the last minute and almost turned around to go back to Queens.I had to call upon every ounce of courage  and walk into to this new world. When I got to the entrance  another woman was walking in with me and she said Hi, and I said Hi back. She said it was her first time there and was nervous. I reassured her that it would be allright, besides ,what can they do to you.

In the class, I sat in the back and just observed. Picking up on conversations before the class started, I observed that most had some kind of theatrical training either from college or community theater. . When class started, the teacher asked each individual to stand up and state who they were and    what acting they had done in the past. I dreaded my turn, I didn't want to tell the class, that not only have never done a play, I never even seen one. When it was my turn, I just said, I don't have much experience but I am glad to be here.

I stayed with this school and had the time of my life.I learned about mooing like a cow and other animal vocals As no one in the class was a professional, I did not feel inadequate. On the contrary, I discovered that I liked it on stage and looked forward to bringing in scenes and monologues for the class. The class put a strain on my relationship with Doris. Previously she had not been jealous of other women,always confidant that no women could compete with her, for me. Sometimes coming out of class, Doris would be waiting for me to see if I was talking to any of the women. This was embarrassing to me but the aspiring actresses thought it was sexy. I tried to reassure Doris that I was all business, and It was.

One day, an instructor mentioned to a couple of us, that we should audition for plays around town. How, I asked. He said to make up a resume of plays that you did scenes from and put down you did them in some obscure theater, pick up the trade papers, backstage and show business, look for open calls that are casting your type and go for it. New York in those days had many non-union theaters so why not. I picked out a couple of auditions, dressed in my Saturday night clothes, packing my professional head shots and fake resume and went into the city for my first audition. My fate was sealed.

Back in the world. 2

After my 4 year hitch was up I got out of the Navy  at 23 years old in 1968. Adjusting back to civilian life after the military can be difficult transition at any time. I entered smack in the middle of the hippie counter culture revolution.As I was away, I didn't experience the gradual change, so it was a shock to see the widespread drug use and ,what I thought at the time, unpatriotic attitudes toward their own country. But I was determined to begin my life after the navy interruption, get a good paying job, find a good wife and settle down with a family

It was hard to get close to these groovy, hippie women because I had nothing to talk  about with them. I soon discovered, if you wanted to turn them off right away,tell them you were in the military.The immediate reaction was disgust and what an asshole you must be.So, the last 4 years of my life had to be a secret, otherwise I would be spending lonely Saturday nights with some of the other vets, that were having a tough time, getting drunk and talking about the military. Looking back I am glad I did it. I talk to friends of mine now that didn't serve and I feel that they regret not doing what men have been doing for thousands of years, protecting their homes and family. As women have the responsibility to bare children, a man's responsibility is to protect them.

I was trained as a aviation electrician in the navy and thought I could get a good job with the airlines. I applied but they said I would have to go back to school and get a degree to qualify for the position I sought. My competition in the job market were either 18 year old recent high school graduates or at my age with a college degree. I could not wait to begin my life for another 4 years so I took a job with Prudential Life Insurance Co. as a sales agent. I hated it, but I got married to a girl I met in a bar and needed to have a good paying job. She came from a very pampered background and me being socially backward, I blame the navy, made for a explosive combination. One year later, we were divorced. It took me awhile to recover from this failure. I was the first person in my extended family to get a divorce.

A couple of years after the divorce, I recovered sufficiently to be dating a beautiful Latin girl I met on the subway. She was usually on the car that I entered and after we flirted a few times, I asked her out.We were both from different backgrounds but the subway threw us together and we fell in love. Her name was Doris and she didn't want to get married as she felt she was too young and coming from a large family, didn't want kids until she was at least 25. I loved her so I would wait.

One day at the sales office,I was talking to  a co-worker, Aaron Kollar, about how much we hated the job.He said I should be an actor as I was able to make people laugh and I could tell a good story. I said"What do you do, fill out an application like any other job". He said "go to acting school and let the GI bill pay for it". Something clicked inside my head, go to school and become an actor and let the government pay for it. It sounded logical. I always thought I could act if given the chance. As an only child, I developed a vivid imagination and I was a very good mimic.

It was 1973 and I had been out of the navy for 5 years and in a rut.Who knows if Doris will ever marry me and I hated the sales job, I was ready for something new in my life .Aaron and I looked in the Yellow pages for an acting school that was VA approved. We found one and I signed up and paid tuition to a place called "The New York Academy of Theatrical Arts" in lower Manhattan.

I went to the office to sign up and this woman that I had to see ,was sitting behind a desk with paper and books piled 3 feet high.What a mess, I thought, how could she find anything in that heap.This did not instill much confidence in me for the quality of the school but I filled out the application and paid for the first 3 months.

Even though I would be reimbursed by the VA, I felt I had done a stupid thing. After all , I was pushing 30 years old and should  be thinking about my future, instead of wasting my VA grant on such a irresponsible venture.

Who am I? 1

     For most of the world ,people have to make a living to eat, to have a roof over their head. Most work at jobs they would quit in a minute if they hit the lottery or inherited a large amount of money.There are a lucky few that earn a living at something they love, that they would do for free. Can anything be better than that?  I don't think so. To look forward to go to work, free of depressing Sundays because tomorrow is Monday and back to that crappy job.
    That's what I wanted, not money or fame,although that would be a nice fringe benefit, I wanted freedom. So after chasing my tail and going nowhere for the first 30 years of my life, I set out to be a professional actor.While I am not a household name, I am often recognized in a store or somewhere in public and strangers , sure they have met me before,  would ask me if I was a chef in some restaurant or a cop that gave them a ticket.

I grew up in a tough working class neighborhood on the lower east side of New York City. This was not the Manhattan of now,overrun by yuppies and wannabes from all over the world. This was the New York of the 50's and 60's, a concrete jungle of overcrowded slums.In those days if you wanted to breath some fresh air or to see a tree or ground that was not covered in asphalt or concrete you had to go uptown to Central Park,where you could get in trouble with uptown tough guys. It was the beginning of the post World War 2 generation later called the baby boomers .Hoards of kids roaming the streets, fighting and playing street games with each other.Street games now all but extinct like stick ball that used a hard rubber ball that would take off like a rocket when hit with an old broom handle.We would play in the street avoiding cars and open cellar doors.There was also touch football.,handball,Johnny on the pony, bottoms up and pitching quarters against a wall .The younger girls practiced all the latest dance steps like the Lindy,Cha Cha, The Slop and the Twist.

In those days,if you wanted to play outside with the other kids,you had to be at least a competent street fighter, otherwise you would get your ass kicked everyday for your lunch money, your belt or whatever the tougher kids wanted from you. If you couldn't or wouldn't fight,you stayed home and helped your mother with housework.The only outlets were sports or crime.Drugs were not widespread then as either you were a hard core junkie or not. There was no distinction between pot and heroin, if you did one, you did the other.If you were able to survive childhood, you were expected to do some kind of military service because being an able body male you had to serve the nation.

In my early tears, I had hoped my ticket out of poverty would be sports.I had speed, power and determination but alas my height stopped at 5 foot and 7 inches which meant that as my competition grew to 6 feet and more, no college would give me a scholarship which was the only way I could go on to higher education as there was no money in my family to send me. So soon after graduating from high school I joined the US Navy.Why I did that, I am not sure.I could have went to college, I was accepted but I would have to work during the day and go to school at night. I guess at the time I needed to get away and military service was hanging over my head anyway in the form of the draft. So I went away to the Navy for 4 years chasing Soviet Union submarines all over the world