The shoot, for the pilot on CBS, could not have gone better for me. I had one scene where I pick the pocket of another character and the actor playing the role didn't realize what I did and it was all caught on camera. The producers and everybody involved thought it was great and my position was secure.
There was a particular incident that I remember. We were shooting a scene inside a bar and an actor I knew from Jimmy Rays came in to do extra work. Now this particular guy would tell me that I was a fool for working for no money when I was doing Off-Off Broadway. When he saw me , he came over and congratulated me for being smart and to do some extra work. I didn't say anything but as the day went on and he saw that I was not only a principle but a regular, he asked to be excused saying he was sick.
This actor could not accept that someone he thought was inferior to him, rise to the top while he languished doing extra work which is the dregs of show business. I never saw this actor again.
Getting this job changed my life, mostly for the better but there were some negative consequences. Up to this time all my close actor friends were struggling, working as waiters or cab drivers like my self. We would comfort each other in our misery of the struggle.
Now I went from a struggling actor to the fast track of the business. Friends that I got drunk with, friends that I performed plays with me in the outer reaches of off off, shunned me and treated me with suspicion as if I had betrayed them. They assumed that I had changed so they beat me to it by not saying hello when we ran into each other, unless I acknowledged them first.
I should have been more understanding. I felt they were not happy for me so I retaliated by walking away from a lot of old friends who I felt were not true friends but jealous of me.
In looking back, I am sorry for the way I acted to their insecurity. I know how painful it can be to give everything you have to make it as an actor and get nowhere. How painful it can be to see some one that you think you are better than, all actors think they are the best, have some success while you languish in shit jobs. Laying awake at night, worried that you will end up in poverty with no children, alone and broke.
I know because I felt that way.
There was a particular incident that I remember. We were shooting a scene inside a bar and an actor I knew from Jimmy Rays came in to do extra work. Now this particular guy would tell me that I was a fool for working for no money when I was doing Off-Off Broadway. When he saw me , he came over and congratulated me for being smart and to do some extra work. I didn't say anything but as the day went on and he saw that I was not only a principle but a regular, he asked to be excused saying he was sick.
This actor could not accept that someone he thought was inferior to him, rise to the top while he languished doing extra work which is the dregs of show business. I never saw this actor again.
Getting this job changed my life, mostly for the better but there were some negative consequences. Up to this time all my close actor friends were struggling, working as waiters or cab drivers like my self. We would comfort each other in our misery of the struggle.
Now I went from a struggling actor to the fast track of the business. Friends that I got drunk with, friends that I performed plays with me in the outer reaches of off off, shunned me and treated me with suspicion as if I had betrayed them. They assumed that I had changed so they beat me to it by not saying hello when we ran into each other, unless I acknowledged them first.
I should have been more understanding. I felt they were not happy for me so I retaliated by walking away from a lot of old friends who I felt were not true friends but jealous of me.
In looking back, I am sorry for the way I acted to their insecurity. I know how painful it can be to give everything you have to make it as an actor and get nowhere. How painful it can be to see some one that you think you are better than, all actors think they are the best, have some success while you languish in shit jobs. Laying awake at night, worried that you will end up in poverty with no children, alone and broke.
I know because I felt that way.
I think actors feel they are the best because they get a feel for the power their empty magnetism can wield over others. Then they live on a tight-rope walk on being pleased with themselves and feeling like nothing because other people have that power too. Oh, hindsight.
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